First Steps…
By The Misfit | July 23, 2007
I was thinking about first steps this evening – perhaps inspired by my recent breakup with someone I hold dear to my heart – and I realized that first steps are always the hardest. Even in relationship to something good – first kisses, first time leaving home, first time riding a roller coaster – they’re difficult, but when it comes to situations that we fear could be painful, they’re even more so. The first step to trust, the first step to let ourselves be completely vulnerable – knowing full well it could backfire – it’s all about taking risks, isn’t it? Sometimes you just have to ignore the fear and take that leap of faith, trusting that everything will be okay, and that even if it turns out hurling ourselves off that cliff may not have been the best decision, we’ll live. It’s not as if I feel my previous relationship wasn’t a good decision. In spite of where things stand at the moment – in spite of the hurt I’ve felt, and still feel – I’ve realized that I’ve changed far more than not. There was a time when I would have immediately questioned what I did wrong, what was so defective about me that made someone else not care about me. I would rail at the other person, hurling insult upon insult to make them hurt just as much as I did.
But not this time. Because I know he is hurting just as much as I am – perhaps not as a result of our relationship – it’s just that no one’s life turns out quite like we intend it to. We all have scars unseen to the naked eye; scars that cover wounds that have never fully healed; scars from people we trusted with the most precious part of who we are and who chose to throw it away like so much garbage; scars that keep us from trusting the person who comes after them; scars from layers of disappointment.
And so my first step this time is to not let this one scar me – not because I don’t care, but because I do. I will not allow myself not to care simply because it’s painful. I will allow myself to heal. And to be vulnerable. And, most importantly, to trust.
Tell the people you care about that you love them.
Because life’s too short to spend it living in fear.
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