The Vortex
By Keiti | August 26, 2007
I totally got sucked into watching The 100 Greatest Songs of the 80s on VH1 last night. I very rarely ever watch anything like that; I’m not sure why, except to say that I know I’m going to get absorbed, even though there’s no redeeming value to it whatsoever.
And that’s the point.
I am an 80s girl. I hit adulthood as the 80s came to a close. It was fun falling prey, hearing most of the songs I loved when I was a kid. And it made me realize that I’ve lost the joy in my life.
It sounds silly, I guess. We all have to grow up, right? I’ve always said, however, that being an adult is way over rated. I used to love looking forward to the adventures a new day would provide and now…well, now I’m sort of stuck in this vicious circle. I do nothing that I enjoy. I wake up exhausted and just want to go back to bed. That is not good. And while I’ll spend the next 5-6 months doing nothing but working, once it’s all over, I should have enough money to embark on an adventure of sorts. I don’t know what, yet, but it will, hopefully, involve getting out of Florida. I’m still contemplating going to Europe, though that may have to be put off a bit - it may be a bit beyond my means, even with working all the insane hours. But I’ve spent the past 13 years or so far more unhappy than not. And that has to change.
It’s not that I want to relive my misspent youth so much as it is the fact that I want to wake up each morning and look forward to the day. It had started to come back when I was dating S. but we all know how that went and I find myself back to being unhappy more often than not. I didn’t rely on S. for my happiness, but happiness was part of the package. I just need to realize once and for all I don’t need another person to obtain that happiness.
I do, however, want a partner-in-crime - it’s not about romance or dating, per se - just someone to share the joy of life and adventure with. I know who I’d like it to be, but she has a family to think of, so that’s probably not going to happen. But one day down the road, I’ll be off on my next adventure with or without a companion.
Topics: Life in General |
August 27th, 2007 at 7:23 pm
I DO know what you mean. I read this book my Marcus Buckingham called “Now Discover Your Strengths” or something like that. It was basically about how everyone does what they’re not good at. They focus on their weakenesses, to make them better. When really they should be focusing and living in their strengths. Then they’d be productive! (It was all about workplace stuff.) An interesting read.
Praying you get some good stuff your way!
August 27th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
That’s exactly why sometimes I think that therapy isn’t always a good thing - one spends so much time focusing on what’s wrong rather than on what’s right.