In the Middle of the Night
By Keiti | November 3, 2007
I’m loving being up at 3:30 in the morning - there’s a cold front coming through South Florida and I can say with a good degree of honesty that there is a bit of chill is the air…It’s absolutely gorgeous.
I remember way back in the day, when I was engaged to a GI stationed in Germany, I used to stay up late into the night, sit out on the back porch as I’m doing now, and write him ridiculously long letters - letters that were full of hope and thoughts of the future and were, at the barest minimum, 20 pages long. This was, of course, back in the neanderthal days before the internet and email and im and all the instant gratification I’ve become so accustomed to. I’d write and if I messed up somewhere along the way, I’d start that page over, painstakingly copying the parts I wanted to keep.
Which leads me to digress a bit and mention that I really miss handwritten letters.
But what tonight’s thoughts are about is how I’ve lost that simple joy - I have this bad habit of making myself numb. I say I feel things because I know I should be feeling them, but I don’t really feel anything. That’s bad. I’m thinking after this gig is over and I have enough money to move I should go into hiding for a while. Not from the internet, necessarily, but just be someplace where I feel like I can catch my breath and regain my focus. Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is run around in circles.
The viciousness of it is mind-boggling.
Topics: Life in General |
November 3rd, 2007 at 2:48 pm
I’m the opposite. I think too much which overwhelms me with emotion. Of course my narcolepsy also makes me overly emotional but still I’m in my head way too often.
I remember when I was in seventh grade you would post yourself on the internet for a pen-pal. Not email but hand-written letter pen-pal. Definite innocence to give a stranger your home address but nothing bad ever came of it.
November 4th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I guess saying I don’t feel anything is a misnomer - it’s just my emotions tend to get stuck beneath the layer of numbness, hence the delayed reactions. It mostly happens when I get tired or frustrated, which is certainly the case now with working so much.
It’s a shame that the pen-pal thing has been tainted by all the crazies online; as great as the instant gratification is, I sometimes think we shot ourselves in the foot with the internet in so many ways.