Between Two Women – A Conversation With Author Patricia Harrelson, Part III
By Keiti | August 24, 2008
Part two of my interview with author Patricia Harrelson:
You state that you have a knack for “tricky self-deception” – I found Between Two Women to be open and honest, almost to the point of being brutal. How difficult was it to move beyond the self-deception to fully examine your life both past and present?
This book has been through 5 full revisions and each chapter went through multiple drafts during the first complete draft of the writing. I worked with a truly marvelous writing group who insisted that I probe deeply and write an honest account. In a way, they drew the truth out of me with their unceasing questions and astute observations. Admittedly there were times when I did not want to look so closely at myself. It often took me days of reviewing notes from a writing group session to unravel the core of single incident. Sometimes awareness was a painful and other times it was exhilarating to “see” the real me.
You mention a picture that your father and uncle had taken of you as a baby – described as you being “fat and naked, in a roasting pan surrounded by potatoes and carrots” – a picture that you stated illustrates your dad’s sense of humor, but also a picture that caused some discomfort for your friends upon viewing it. Why do you think such an innocuous picture brought about two completely different reactions?
People project their own experience onto stories and pictures. I think we all observe through the filters of our own experience and emotions. So what was humorous to me might feel disrespectful to someone else, probably because they suffered disrespect in some fashion from a person in a similar caretaking position as my father. It was not unusual during my talks with Carol for me to perceive an incident in her life quite differently than she experienced it. I think this happened because I brought my own history to bear on her experience. I don’t think we can avoid doing this.
You quote Adrienne Rich who states that “patriarchy is a system in which the female everywhere is subsumed under the male”, but I found it ironic that the men in your life (specifically your ex-husband and your son) seemed to be more accepting of your decision to embark on a journey of self-discovery and new life with Cindy than some of the women. How did that, if at all, challenge your perception of the traditional patriarchal society?
I think that men and women alike are “victims” of the traditional patriarchal society. The relatively liberal minded men in my life, my father included, were no less influenced by the worst aspects of the tradition than were my women friends or myself. I think it took the earth-shaking experience of finding myself in a female-to-female relationship, a household without men, and a social support system that was predominantly female for me to see the pervasiveness of patriarchy. I admire women like Rich and Susan Griffin and Audre Lorde and Dorothy Allison and even some of my friends– lesbian and straight –who could more readily see the powerful effects of said system. This is a place where self-deception was wholly at work in me. I’m not saying my ex-husband or son or father were/are jerks. I’m just saying that they operated from a position that I’m no longer blind to nor do I wish to condone. I’m not a radical feminist or even much of activist. I simply no longer tolerate certain things I once thought were givens, and I’m acutely conscious of disparities between the place of men and women in our culture. I wish that I had seen this sooner but I’m glad to see more clearly now.
Topics: books |
August 24th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Gosh, you sure ask some fancy questions and stuff. Probably because you’re smart and all. Good job, there, dork.