Barry Manilow, Indeed!
By The Misfit | March 3, 2009
As much as I’ve come to detest working for other people, one of my favorite jobs was working music retail with Stace and other kooky characters. There was M, who was a drummer, L, X who knew how to push everyone’s buttons, S, the awesome manager, and T, the quick-witted prankster, among others. Essentially, we were the dysfunctional family at the home away from home. We also had a code for everything – suspected shoplifters were identified via phone and a breathless “your mother’s house is on fire” or something to that effect. – I don’t know who came up with that one but I’ve always thought it was kind of ridiculous and definitely not so subtle. Of course, subtlety hasn’t exactly my specialty – ever – so it’s probably just as well.
There was a stream of steady customers who had their favorite sales associate – my stalker adoring customer was a gentleman from one of the islands – a therapist with mid-back-length dreadlocks and a penchant for continuously asking me out. Which I probably would have agreed to had he not been married. I may do some stupid s&!t on most days, but I know where that line’s drawn.
Then there were the insane customers – the ones we all tried to shove off on each other: the guy who used to rent pregnancy work-out videos, or the guy who would come in wearing a hip-length t-shirt, white bike shorts, and no underwear, the woman who would come in wearing a little tennis skirt and steal us blind – I don’t think we were ever able to actually catch her – and the ticket scalpers who tried to intimidate because…well, they were asinine ticket scalpers.
The worst times to work, though, were weekend nights – not only did it encroach on clubbing time (which I was doing quite heavily at the time) but we also had to content with the influx of middle and high school students who had nothing better to do on a weekend night than hang out with their friends roaming around a music store. There was a movie theatre near the store, so they’d wander in before and after terrorizing the theatre staff. It was fine up to a point, but when you’ve got a store full of people, the vast majority of them hormonal and obnoxious kids, it tended to get a bit overwhelming. We’d put on the music we liked (typically Nirvana or Nine Inch Nails or whatever else we were into at the time) and it drew the little buggers like a magnet. We’d give them 15 – 20 minutes until we couldn’t stand it any more then switch to Frank Sinatra or Louis Prima or something equally as mellow. It worked like a charm to clear them out so we could get a bit of peace and quiet.
So, it was with great affection that I read this article about Christchurch, New Zealand, planning to use Barry Manilow to keep the mallrats under control. I have one thing to say to the city – the plan would have worked much better had you not bothered to say anything about it. The kids are hip to your tricks, now.
Silly Christchurch. I hope you have a plan B.
Topics: amusement for the misfit, news for the misfit, ugly necessity for the misfit | 3 Comments »
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
OMFGBBQ!!
March 3rd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Oops! mis-keyed the “enter” button before I was done!
Please allow me to continue exclaiming- OMFGBBQ!! I WAS JUST laughing with Tim a week ago about that dude with the white bike shorts sans underwear. He was SO skeevy and naaastaaaay!! Remember how he would parade around the store, strutting with hips forward, trying to attract everyone’s attention? ::shudder::
I always hated working Sunday mornings because I usually had just gone to bed about three hours before my shift started. I think you and I got the majority of those shifts back then. Thanks for making those mornings as bearable as they could be!
I’d forgotten about your stalker! haha We did have some interesting customers, that’s for sure!! Remember York? and then there was the tall red-headed guy who worked at the courthouse as a database manager oh yeah and that cute blonde paramedic guy.
Then there was that freaky kid and his dad who would come in and steal the contest entry pads, take them home, fill them out and then stuff the contest boxes full?? I can’t count the number of times S. was ready to kill them!!
My favorite nights were Tuesday evenings when Gary Shipes would come in and go over all the new releases with us. Man, that guy turned me on to more good music and film than anyone else in my life. I often wonder how he is doing.
Those were the days.
March 3rd, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I thought you’d get a kick out of it – I haven’t thought about any of that in forever! until I read the Barry Manilow article and it all came flooding back. I’d forgotten about the red-headed guy AND the cute blonde paramedic. And the contest stuffers! Holy crap! Do you remember that creepy guy who spent weeks trying to get me to go out with him? Used to ride a motorcycle? And how I freaked out when we looked him up on the video rental database and L explained to me the birth year thing in his DL # and I freaked out because he was like 35? It’s funny how old I thought that was when I was 22 and I thought he was a perv because of it. he he he
God, Gary Shipes. He was awesome! I’m not sure what’s up with him – I don’t think he’s been at The Stuart News for years, now. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a google search coming on… he he he
Speaking of google, have you heard anything back from MA?