What Happens When Your Brain Shuts The Hell Up
By The Misfit | March 26, 2009
So, I was good about the self-hypnosis for a couple of weeks…went overboard, actually, with the whole 3-4 times a day, really, but that’s typical. Then an essay happened and I realized that I was down to the wire and everything except The Exorcist got lost in the fray. I’ve since started back with the once a day at that seems to work.
Anyway, it’s kind of funny how things will regain perspective once I can get my brain to shut the hell up. I mean, seriously, I always have this running commentary that ramps up the minute I try to relax or go to sleep and it’s generally virtually unstoppable. And annoying. And wreaker of havoc. During the three weeks I focused on the self-hypnosis thing I realized that I end up taking responsibility for things that aren’t mine. Not that there aren’t things that aren’t entirely mine, but I can’t take responsibility for all the chaos.
I have people in my life who claim to be my friends and yet seem to expect that it can live in a vacuum. Emails don’t get replied to. Questions remain unanswered. I get shoved aside because they’re unwilling or unable to address things that need to be addressed. And frankly I’ve had enough. It’s not that I expect people to be at my beck and call, because that’s not it at all. What I do expect is a modicum of give and take. There’s nothing worse for me than a sense of not knowing what the hell is going on – I’m imaginative and my brain tends to be all over the place and it does cause some craziness on my part which ends up creating all sorts of chaos – which is totally my responsibility, but it wasn’t all my fault. I’m not going to go into specifics because if I’m going to call someone out for real it won’t be in a public forum. None of these people are inherently bad people and I can’t imagine holding them up to public ridicule.
What it does mean, however, is that I’m done. I’m sitting back and doing nothing because that’s the smart thing to do. Stop trying to control everything and let it do what it will. If it’s important enough on their parts they’ll step up. If not, it’ll peter out. I can’t and won’t be the person trying to hold everything together on my own anymore. It’s kind of like being in a relationship where the other person has just stopped trying and you overcompensate. Whatever. No more. I’ve got other things I need to focus on.
In more fun news, I found out something about a friend of mine that I never in a million years would have suspected. And I think it’s pretty damn cool.
Topics: (psycho) therapy thursdays | No Comments »