Like many others, I am glad to see the back end of 2016 – In short, it was not my finest year. I’ve taken to referring to it as The Year of the Bitch. Honestly, I spent virtually the entire year pissed off or aggravated about something. My chronic health problems kicked into high gear, and I constantly felt like crap, which exacerbated everything. I didn’t feel like being sociable – as many of my friends can attest – or friendly – as members of my family can attest – or witty or creative – as my lack of writing can attest – and I was damn sick of working on Yours Truly. Throw in the presidential election and the seemingly overabundance of deaths, celebrity or otherwise, and it was just an ugly year.
But some great things happened last year, too. My nieces and nephews all progressed by amazing leaps and bounds. My bestie and her partner had a beautiful baby. Work was abundant. My friends and family loved me despite the chronic bitchiness that went hand-in-hand with my chronic illness. And I made it through the edits of Yours Truly despite never wanting to look at the damn thing again. Don’t get me wrong – I love the characters and their story and can’t wait to once again share it with the world (currently waiting on a release date) but…
There’s something about a blank page.
A blank page can signal either abject terror or sheer excitement. It all depends on perspective. And since my perspective in 2016 plowed straight over optimism, this year I’m gunning for pessimism. I’ve had enough. And so, some changes are in order:
1 – Finding a new doctor is high on the list so I can at least have some semblance of order in what I throw at the wall to see what sticks in terms of treatment (one of the hazards of having a chronic illness with no set treatment is wasting time and money throwing random things at the wall because you don’t know what’s going to work).
2 – Figure how to write and be creative even with being sick – that was a huge struggle for me last year. I wasted way too much time berating myself for not writing most of 2016 due to not feeling well because everyone knows you have to write no matter how you feel. /sarc/ No more letting others dictate my rules. This is probably going to be the hardest bit – I have zero idea how to be this sick person.
3 – No more spending so much time on social media (obviously, this has been the case for a while). File previous silence under a disinterest in being social, but after a bit of thought and consideration, I realize the more time I spend on social media, the less I actually have to say. I’m not yet sure how much or little time this will entail, but my general goal is more blogging and less other social media (though my blogs auto post to other outlets). I also don’t want to continually read drama-laden and mean-spirited posts – I have a hard-enough time maintaining my optimism and since I tend to pick up the emotional states of those around me – even online – I’m being pickier about who gets to spend time in my world. File this under self-preservation.
Hopefully these small changes will create a much bigger effect and my default will be joy and adventuresome – as it was until I got sick – rather than feeling overwhelmed, stomped all over, and generally hateful. I’m always open to suggestions, so feel free to share any you might have.
In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful 2017.
I’m cautiously optimistic.